This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
