nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Never joke about your clitoris.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize