her vagine was all disorganized.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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