just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
