Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
this just has baby written all over it
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize