i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
