I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
