im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
