i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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