you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
