how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I need a beard to bite.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
