I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
