she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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