The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
