Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
