she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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