they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
