Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Why can't burritos get me drunk
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
