i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
