How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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