Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
