who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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