so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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