no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize