Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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