he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
