i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
