that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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