i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
