Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
