well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
