I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
