Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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