We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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