I am puke
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
