God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
