He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
