I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
