I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
