Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
