Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize