my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
