What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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