i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
What a fucking waste of an outfit
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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