i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
