somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
