why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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