Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
