He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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