I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
