just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
