I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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