Your face is a jimmy john
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So much rum. So many feels.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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