I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
