I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
