well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
