You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
