I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
