I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
