toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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