we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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