WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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