i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
