She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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